Looking ahead

After years and years (and years) of making the same resolutions every January, (lose weight, produce more, become perfect, give up perfectionism), it became clear that there was no resolve in those resolutions. In fact, I was pretty much doomed to failure from the moment my feet touched the floor, discovering a huge dust bunny, therefore sucking at housework, and blowing the whole perfection thing in the first waking moments of the new year.

Since I haven't yet kicked the whole perfectionist thing, looking back always begins with the disappointments and failures. I know that we all have things that we wished we'd done better on, but I feel that way about everything. Everything. Who doesn't relish an opportunity to revisit one's shortcomings? This time of year generally makes me a little crazy (er).

Instead of a resolution this year, I am going to set a couple of goals. They are just kind of nebulous, impossible to prove, and therefore fail, sort of goals.

#1: Be kind to myself. I am my own worse critic, and I can be vicious. I say things to myself that I would never even consider saying to another person. I've been working on this for a while, and I'm making progress (see what I did there?), but I'm renewing this goal for this year. (See, that? I did it again! I am renewing my subscription to this goal, I didn't fail!)

#2:  Be a little selfish. This will be a hard one. I have been driven by my responsibilities since I was a little kid. Being the oldest of six girls meant my care taking days started early. I have never been responsible for just myself. Now that the boys are launched, and I'm over the empty nest, it's time for a little self indulgence. It's mostly goofy stuff, like buying premium ice cream because it tastes better, or a pair of shoes just because they're cute.

#3: Give myself permission to play. Another toughie. What I really should say is give myself permission to play without guilt. This goal is closely linked with #2. Playing feels frivolous and wasteful, but I know that it is necessary for creative growth. Oh, wait, I think I just turned it around into a work related thing, which is clearly not play. Yep, I think it may even take a whole year to understand what play is.

I always admire folks who can make a resolution, and keep it. Does it work for you? Is there something magical about the turning of the calendar that makes the promises easier to keep? I'd love to hear about your plans/goals/resolutions for this year. Meanwhile, I think I'll go vacuum my bedroom, the dust bunnies are having a party in there.